The Bloody Morning After: A YouTube Mix For The Terminally Disappointed.

Most people who know The Real DJ Satisfaction Pony understand that underneath that bittersweet, cynical shell is a happy-clappy youth center veteran/recovering altar boy who has absorbed more than his fair share of Jesus Freak Original Cast Recordings...The Cramps may have corrupted me in more ways than I'll ever know but I can still appreciate Stepford Wife harmonies and Up With People! platitudes. Here's a mix that maps my purple brain...and yes it's all queer as fuck but July was a beast so it stands to reason that I've earned all of August's candy-ass indulgences.

Coven, "One Tin Soldier"



Cokeheads, "I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing"



The Free Design, "Kites Are Fun"



Room 222, "Theme From"



I'm From Barcelona, "We're From Barcelona"



Jesus Christ Superstar, "Jesus Christ Superstar"



The Flaming Lips, "Do You Realize?"



Patti Smith, "You Light Up My Life" (on 'Kids Are People Too!')

This is actually incredibly beautiful. She skips the high notes.



Rent, "Seasons Of Love"



Polyphonic Spree, "Lithium"



The Carpenters, "Bless The Beasts And The Children"

Scared Straight:: Inmate Abuse In The Philippines.

Okay, so you're chilling in The Philippines for some reason and somehow you fuck up...you accidentally sold some black tar heroin to a ten-year-old or you had one too many margaritas and you sexually propositioned an officer of the law in the bathroom @ Chi-Chi's...next thing you know your ass is coverall-ed and you're doing time in some god-foresaken detention center. THIS is just a taste of the horror that awaits you:

Reason To Live Number Whatever: Los Campesinos!

There's just something about glockenspiels and a chorus you can holler along to...

!

These Blondes, They Don't Dick Around.

"I feel like C.C. Baxter in Wilder's 'Apartment',
That particular arrangement just came out of the blue
And who was it who sang 'I know that you love one
So why can't you love two?'
I was in full-time education when I got scared of the future
And I've only got a job so I don't disappoint my mother
It's like I've painted myself into a social corner
Well, that's what happens when you listen to
Saint Scott Walker
On headphones
On the bus."

Those words as mewled by The Long Blondes in the coda of "You Could Have Both" cut straight to my quick today much in the way that Pulp's "Common People" did back in the heady days of 1998 when I was in grad school and wrestling with class issues or much in the way that the mopey, autumnal stanzas of "These Days" stroked my malaise back in 1991, back when I imagined myself to be some sort of doomed love-struck Romeo. Yeah, I fancied myself the sweaty, spastic Henry Miller of my particular set of friends (barflies all of them) and yet I got laid rarely (imagine that).

I had a fairly agitated imagination.

What I like most about The Long Blondes is that they have this whole Faye Dunaway noir femme fatale aesthetic so figured out both visually and aurally which makes for some of the most seductive pop/rock to have diddled my ear-holes since Blondie's 'Plastic Letters'. Check out "Weekend Without Makeup". How classic is this song and how lethal is lead Long Blonde Kate Jackson?



Concrete Blonde has been weirdly dismissed by many as being an early 90's one-hit wonder, faux-goth fluke ("Joey" and to a lesser degree: "Still In Hollywood") but check out lead singer Johnette Napolitano's chest-tightening video/ single which dropped just a year ago last month: "Scarred".



I wake up just like that every morning, btw (apnea).

And here's a pair of footloose blondes bonding on the set over knives and plastic spatulas:

I Was Gonna Write About How Kate Nash Is The Next Lily Allen-Style Brit Kvetcher Or How Bryan Ferry And Bob Dylan Are Two Sides Of The Same Coin...

...but then I came across this Kathy Griffin/Dame Judi Dench sex-tape on the WorldWideNets and I thought to myself 'well fuckit...give the people what they want' so here it is:

It's Official: I Live In A Dump But Go! Team's New Shit Kisses My Boo-Boo And Makes It All Seem Worthwhile.

That's it, I'm moving to Chicago. I've had it. NYC has kicked my ass for the very last time. For those of you who don't know, I live in a haunted frat house in the historic district of Brooklyn (Clinton Hill) and as I write this, there's a cute little rainshower happening right here in my very own apartment. It's like a water park up in here. But you know what? My glass is half-full these days because I refuse to give in to negativity and those pesky little panic attacks that tend to happen in backseats of taxicabs driven by contentious fuckwits who wouldn't know their way around Brooklyn if you strapped a fucking homing device to their muddled, Manhattan-centric heads.

Positivity, y'all. Yep. It's The New Me.

So, having said all that...

We're pretty much at the halfway point of 2007 and so I would say that thus far the contenders for 2007 Single Of The Year would have to be:

Joss Stone, "Tell Me 'Bout It"
Queens Of The Stone Age, "Make It Wit Chu"
Sean Kingston, "Beautiful Girls"
Baby Boy Da Prince, "The Way I Live"
Timbaland ft. M.I.A., "Come Around"
Amy Winehouse, "Rehab/You Know I'm No Good"
Ne-Yo, "Because Of You"
Editors, "Smokers Outside The Hospital Doors"

(NOTE: No, this summer's biggest hit, Rihanna's "Umbrella", doesn't rate because it's just too grating and shrill. Her voice is like a ban-saw slicing chalkboard. I wouldn't want to stand under her um-ber-ella ("aye-aye-aye") no how, no way...she's a test-marketed, vat-grown derivitive of Pink but without all the trash and flash and with all the right producers. She's Pink-aye (Stink-aye?). Pass the Purell, please.)

...but what will trump them all is Go! Team's new single "Grip Like A Vice" off their forthcoming release 'Proof Of Youth'. True, I shamelessly adore Go! Team: Their website alone is worth shitloads of shameless adoration:

http://www.thegoteam.co.uk/flash/GoKids.html

They feed my 70's fetish, their Sly Stone-esque stageshows are legendary and their shepherd's pie of musical comfort food inspire me to almost want to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony...but their new single is less Charlie Brown and more Jackie Brown, which is a cool twist...2 years after the release of their sunkist sampladelic 'Thunder, Lightning, Strike' The Go! Team seems a little angrier but even a pissy Go! Team sporting an Angela Davis 'fro sounds uplifting.

Check this out:

Maya Rudolph As Pamela Bell (Patti LaBelle) Singing The Unsingable.

It's the 4th of July so let's all exercise our church-nurtured runs as we join together to raise our voices in song.

Does The Fact That G.W. Is A Flamboyantly Corrupt Despot Have You In A Funk? Watch This Go! Team Documentary...

...and hold yr terror close.

Enjoy.

Ya Don't Stop: Hip-Hop Is Dead, Long Live Hip-Hop.

Here's a YouTube Mix of HipHop that doesn't make my ears bleed:

The Go! Team ("Ladyflash")



Colossus ("The Tribute")



Baby Boy Da Prince ("The Way I Live")



Spank Rock ("Rick Rubin")



Brother Ali ("Uncle Sam Goddamn")



M.I.A. ("Bird Flu")