Sunday, June 24, 2007

AFI's 10th Anniversary List Of The 100 Best Movies Ever Is Asstarded.

I'm sorry but 'Sixth Sense' is not the 89th greatest film ever made. It doesn't even merit rank on the list of the Top 89 Thousand Greatest Films Ever Made. 'Blazing Stewardesses' (1975) is a better movie than that manipulative piece of cineplex-friendly guilty parent-pablum. I hated every second of it and I wanted to blacken both of future DUI-perp Haley Joel Osment's squinty eyes throughout its 107 minutes of condescending predictability. 'Sixth Sense' is corporate Hollywood's idea of the 89th greatest film ever made but it's my idea of a really coke-fueled pitch given the green light because "I See Dead People" was said and all the George Lucas associates in the room freaked..."I See Dead People"...wait, that is a good pitch...fuck. It's still a trashy piece of shit and former New Kid On The Block Donnie Wahlberg gives the best performance in the thing. No. Wait. Hold on. Toni Collette was good.'s an alright movie but definitely not the 89th best one ever.

Go here to see what folks who know better than you or I judge to be the 100 greatest films ever made:

Number One is still 'Citizen Kane' and who can argue with that? No one loves it but it's been referenced so many thousands of times that everyone blindly accepts it as The Best Movie Ever. Mostly it's the best photographed/ballsiest movie ever. Gregg Toland's genius is biblical and Orson Welles had cojones of steel to even get the thing made. 'The Godfather' ranks number two but 'The Godfather II' is better and it comes in at 32. Who votes for these lists anyway? Nobody asked me.

'Casablanca' is number 3 but it should be number 1 forever and for all time because it's not only a classic but it's contemporary mythology: the line "the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world" has become my mantra...seriously...that line alone effortlessly sums up centuries of Zen teachings...

'Raging Bull' is number 4 and I suppose that's all mod and shit but Scorsese's 'Taxi Driver' is the better, less film-studenty movie. I guess DeNiro's monologue in the mirror earns its elevated slot. 'On The Waterfront' (#19) is far superior however.

'Singin' In The Rain' is number 5. That's fine by me. Gene Kelly is effortlessly hot and charming as fuck, and Debbie Reynolds ("Leg Up!") is a lil' firecracker. Jean Hagen's nasal performance is a hoot as well...I still think 'West Side Story' is the better movie if you want to talk 'film art', however.

'Gone With The Wind' comes in at number 6. I just watched this again and this movie is amazing: The logistics of filming the burning of Atlanta, the tricky politics, Vivien 'Gone With The Wind' transcends pulp. Passionate, prototypical American movie-making: The studio system at its very best.

'Lawrence Of Arabia' rates number 7. Pretty much any David Lean film could occupy this slot.Watching this on a plasma, flat-screen tv on New Year's Day after 8 Bloody Marys and a bunch of beers is seriously life-altering.

'Schindler's List': Number 8. I don't get it. I don't get it at all. This movie presents Oskar Schindler as an extra-terrestrial sent from the heavens to save a bunch of wide-eyed Elliots (Jews). No further comment. Spielberg's best effort was 'Close Encounters Of The Third Kind' and it doesn't even rank on AFI's Top 100.

'Vertigo' (No. 9) Word. I prefer 'Rear Window' but 'Vertigo' is deep, dark Hitchcock .

'Wizard Of Oz' (10) It's an American fairy tale (literally) so I feel like it should rank higher but whatever.

As for the rest of the list:

'Nashville' (best movie ever) debuts at #59 and 'American Graffiti' shoots up 15 points but where's 'The Conversation'? 'Fargo' falls off the chart, and I'm very unclear as to why 'Forrest Gump' or 'Titanic' could even possibly be considered to be better movies than 'Fargo' but then what do I know?

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