Monday, October 16, 2006

Justin Timberlake Is Not Actually Bringing Sexy Back At All...

...Timbalake is.

Timbaland, rather.

First of all, there's not a whole helluva lot of 'Justin Timbalake' in 'SexyBack'. Timbaland (Tim Mosley) produced the monolithic chart-topping juggernaut and his cynical, spare, stutterstep signature is all over it. Justin warbles in seriously tweaked sampled bursts like an ambisexual karaoke victim here and there but mostly it's all about Timbaland and his seriously unsexy 'yEAh!' sample.

If this is sexy then a Sears credit card application is the kama-sutra.

What the fuck? Why are lesbians batshit for this cloud of toxic egg fart? They hop around to this crap like rhythm-impaired wood sprites. Don't they know that this shit is anti-music for anti-people?

If you absolutely HAVE to plug in to some garbage-y dance music might I recommend LCD Soundsystem's 'Thrills' (?)

LCD Soundsystem's James Murphy sounds like a chronic masturbator with a lethal headcold as he brags about how some unfortunate enabling bitch unconditionally digs his pill-addicted flat white ass. Is Mr. Murphy bringing sexy back? Hard to say, but as far as I'm concerned...'plugged up' is hotter than ever.


Martin said...

It's true, Tim could replace Justin with Joey Lawrence and it would sound the same. Better, maybe. I don't understand why Nelly Furtado deserves the Timbaland treatment either.

SatisfactionPony said...

Timbaland is an interesting producer, no doubt: His work with Missy proves it. His sinister sexuality is inviting and dark and leaves a lot of elbow room for a truly unique artist, like Missy, to stretch out and dare to be vulgar...which I can plug into (because I'm a freak, after all). I would love for him to produce Macy Gray or...whatthefuck...why not Courtney Love? That bitch strains for freakiness whereas Timbaland makes it all sound so easy...