From DJ Satisfaction Pony's Stack Of Stuff: U2 Jumps Shark, A Squid, Some Skates And An Archipalago Off The Coast Of F*cktardatia.

Spring is most definitely here...I can tell because everything's just the tiniest bit off. First and foremost, there's a mouse corpse a-moulderin' away in my wall. Its sickeningly sweet ass n' roses, gramma-fart tang has usurped my appetite (Shit!) and as a result, I've lost a pinch of belly-fat (Right on!). Secondly, I'm addicted to both The Mets and action movies which I can't explain at all because at heart I'm a great big 210 lb., frilly-knickered, Nelly Olson, sausage-curled girl...The strangeness goes on and on but as I'm re-reading what I've written I'm finding it all very dull so I'll just move on...

Nine Inch Nails' new release 'Year Zero' will forever remind me of the Virginia Tech massacre because that's what was dialed up on my iTunes when I read the news on CNN.com ("The Warning" specifically, I'm not making this up). I have a rich history of musical co-association: I can't hear Bryan Ferry's 'Taxi' without experiencing 9/11 all over again; the languid melancholy encapsulates the entire lost month of September, 2001. And The Thompson Twins takes me right back to the Space Shuttle Challenger explosion of January, 1986, because that's what was playing on the student union jukebox as UW-Eau Claire undergrads piled into the TV room to watch as the realtime horror show interrupted 'Guilding Light'. I could piece together a totally unlistenable sick n' twisted TragedyTime Playlist for myself but that would only serve to recontextualize and thus neutralize the baggage these evil little soundtracks have earned. But here goes:

"Groove Line" - Heatwave (I read traumatizing 'Helter Skelter' for the first time, Summer, 1975)
"Watching The Wheels" - John Lennon (Lennon's murder, 1980)
"Doctor! Doctor!" - The Thompson Twins (Space Shuttle Challenger explodes, Jan., 1986)
"Sweet Thing" - The Waterboys (I learn that girlfriend was brutally raped in India, 1989)
"NaNaNa" - Royal Crescent Mob (Tiananmen Square, 1989)
"Whirlpool" - Seal (Rodney King Riots, Jack-In-The-Box around the corner from my apt. trashed and pillaged, Seattle, WA, 1992)
"Mayonnaise" - Smashing Pumpkins (I read my mother's response to my coming out letter, 1993)
"Like A Motorway" - Saint Etienne (Heard news of very young local prostitute's murder, sickening, very Jack The Ripperesque, Madison, WI. - April 11, 1997)
"The Night I Heard Caruso Sing" - Everything But The Girl (The day I learned I had Congestive Heart Failure, cried for hours, 1997)
"Taxi" - Bryan Ferry (The Eve of 9/11)
"The Warning" - Nine Inch Nails (Virginia Tech massacre, April, 2007)

...ech...

But back to Nine Inch Nails' 'Year Zero'...I'm feeling like "In This Twilight" will be gracing car commercials any time now, if it isn't already. It's beautiful and highly exploitable. 'The Warning' is the stand-out track. I love the 'Pictures Of Matchstick Men' call-to-arms, slash-and-burn guitar line and of course the message couldn't be more prescient. The rest of the cd is standard-issue Reznor-whispered "Fuck-Me-I'm-Angsty" high drama set against a soundscape of blips and bleeps framed by a thundering drum machine, which is not a bad thing by any means. Some sci-fi thematical claptrap apparently unites the piece but I could care less about any of it. Faith No More's masterwork, "Angel Dust", tackled Reznor territory (Compromised White Male Rage) way back in '92 but with much more poopy-pants humor, some sampled cheerleaders and an orchestra's worth of pretty strings and piano: Sometimes 'Year Zero' sounds like a more earnest version of Mike Patton's vision...but then along comes 'God Given', which is sheer dancefloor savagery. Can't wait to play it at 'Oink!', the stoopid pig party I spin for on Wednesdays @ Cattyshack.

Welp, looks like U2 is officially out of its fucking mind. I used to stand behind U2 through thick and through thin (although 'Rattle & Hum' was a great big red flag) but now I totally agree with Amy Winehouse that Bono should "shut up" once and for all. By now, he's so beknighted and ethereal he's finally fully qualified to breed beatified Saint Angelina Jolie and co-parent a home-brewed army of righteous, priveleged little blobs alongside Holy Father Brad Pitt. These three are so self-important, so high on their own ass-vapors that they're virtual parodies of themselves.

And now U2 is writing the score for a Broadway musical version of Spiderman 3. I am in no way opposed to U2 writing a Broadway musical, in fact, I think they absolutely should. But a jazz-hands version of 'Spiderman Three?'

That just reeks of ego-fuelled greed. Obvs. Bono is a corporate shill, but THE EDGE??

I guess no one is invulnerable.